Purposeful discussion over lunch

Today, I had the happiest lunch ever! I mean really happy, the true spiritual joy kind of happy.

I was with a friend and we were discussing how we have been using this worksheet on “Bring thyself to account each day” for the last few days, and the effect it has been having on the quality of our day. We have been going through the worksheet, reading the quote and looking through the questions and trying to answer them for ourselves, and have been having similar experiences in the effect it is having on our day. I’ll describe my experience here, so you can get an idea of what we were talking about.

The first day I started using the worksheet, I noticed a marked, surprising difference. I had had the worksheet for many months, and had been meaning to try it for a while but was only then getting around to trying it. I wasn’t expected any noticeable results, probably just a slow improvement over weeks and months, but the point was to follow the exhortation to bring ourselves to account.

The effect, instead, was impressive. Throughout that day I was reminded often of some of the points raised in the questions on the sheet, such as whether I had “refrained from every irregular inclination” or “subdued every rebellious passion”. Particularly in a meeting where we were discussing some touchy subjects, I kept thinking to say a comment, when I would realize that the comment really was coming from a rebellious passion within me and I would then strive to revise it before saying it. I hadn’t been used to such reminders in the self-regulation of my conduct, and it was a pleasant surprise to be confronted with them.

The general trend over the last few days has been quite positive, though it seems hard at times to self-assess in certain areas, such as if my belief is stronger or if my love has increased. However, I am much more aware of spiritual truths during the day, am much more in a state of communion with God, so to speak. Many times during the day, just after having done something (and sometimes before doing it) I suddenly realize that it’s not the right thing to do, and I’m immediately presented with a mental analysis of sorts about why it’s not the right thing, drawing from some of the points in the sheet, and if I had done something wrong I feel the imperative need to right the wrong there and then.

A story to illustrate the points of increased love and righting wrongs. A few days ago I was coming home from the Shrine of the Bab, at around 8:30pm. On the way home, I had to cross the road (Hatzionut Ave) at the traffic lights, and as I was approaching the lights I saw a young African man with a pilgrim badge looking around near the lights. I smiled and greeted him, but he didn’t really respond, just sort of grunted in a husky voice. I figured either he didn’t know the language to use, or for some reason he couldn’t speak. He motioned across the road and made some more sounds, and I smiled and replied, yes, this was how we would cross the road. He pressed the cross button and we waited for a while. The walk light went green, and we headed across. I was walking faster than him, so I sped up and ahead, then turned the corner and headed further down the hill, leaving him behind. As I was walking away, a thought suddenly came to me, that I should really practice manifesting love to humanity, and one way of doing that was to show love to this young man. By this time, I was too far around the corner to see the crossing, but I paused and reflected, should I go back and ask him what he was doing? At that time of the day the gate to the gardens is closed, and there was no pilgrim talk that night, so maybe he had crossed the road by mistake? He wasn’t coming down the direction I had taken, and there’s not much else up in the opposite direction. In indecision I hung for a few more seconds, then with some trepidation started heading back up to the crossing. I then saw someone else walking down the path from the crossing, and I stopped again thinking, maybe he’s left, maybe that person already talked to him, and even if I caught up to him, what would I say?

So I turned around and headed home, and figured I’d pray for forgiveness tomorrow morning as part of my bringing myself to account. The next day, I did that, and in response to the thought “what can you do to make amends” I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t really do much as I would likely not see him again. This was another entry to add to the list of wrongs I couldn’t right, and for which I would have to depend on God for His Mercy. Matter resolved, not entirely satisfactorily, but I would probably not have thought about it too much again.

A few days pass, and last night, I attended the pilgrim talk and was mingling with the pilgrims afterwards as they slowly headed out. I saw this young man again, and I immediately resolved to go and say hello to him. On the way another friend greeted me and I got caught up, and by the time our conversation was over he was nowhere to be seen. Later as we were walking home, I suddenly realized he was walking in front of us. So I caught up with him, greeted him and smiled as we walked along. He again didn’t respond with much speech, but seemed to warm up a little. So as we walked further I spoke a little more, asking him if he enjoyed the talk, and again not much speech. A little further on I had to part, and as I turned to wave and say good-bye to him, he waved back, and to my great joy had a big, beautiful smile! I was so happy, absolutely overjoyed that I had been given the chance to make amends; not so much for a wrongdoing but for a missed opportunity to serve humanity. I knew at some point, either later in life or in the next world, I would have thought back with great regret at a consciously missed opportunity to learn love for humanity.

This is just one example of the kinds of things that have started happening since I have been practicing with this worksheet. My lunch friend shared some experiences, and we got to talking about other related issues and stories, but the general theme was how happy we were and how this practice, although not the cause of our happiness, was instrumental in triggering the actions we took to get to this happy state. We are going to keep experimenting with it for a while, and see if the effect is sustainable. If it is, it would be a great method of systematic spiritual growth to share with the friends.